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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?